#218 Making the best of Local Food
Pretending to love fried bugs is so ’90s backpacker. And anyway, no matter how good you think you are, local people can usually tell when you’re faking it.
Fortunately today’s well-adjusted Expat Aid Worker has made peace with the reality that some local food will really only ever appeal to, you know, local people. Old fish. Sorghum with green, mucus-like sauce. Gristly goat swimming in oil. And for those late-adopter EAWs with something to prove, the search for culinary authenticity ends, more often than not, with the realization that pre-packaged, mass-produced food isn’t so bad after all. As Chris Rock once said, it’s not red meat that kills you; it’s green meat.
As a corollary – local, more authentic food (defined as what everyone else is eating) isn’t necessarily better, much less more healthy, especially if everyone else tends to be incredibly poor.
That said, sometimes it’s necessary to eat avec les autres, as it were. Perhaps the EAW is on the road, and don’t have any other options. Perhaps she or he has been offered a meal in circumstances that make it impossible to say no. (For instance, when there’s an audience). Or, worst of all, the EAW needs to establish/consolidate field cred to someone visiting from HQ, whose expectations of life in the field were shaped primarily by the blogs or Facebook posts of other EAW’s.
Yes, pretty much anyone can claim to love local food. The real skill lies in surviving where what few options there are leave a lot to be desired by discerning EAW standards.
[As a quick rule of thumb for those considering the leap to ‘the field’: if you’re in an area where different cultures have been interacting, fighting, and generally sloshing around for centuries, chances are the food is relatively decent. Which generally means the coasts. The further inland you go, the greater the chance that the local culture has been spent centuries perfecting various ways to eat sorghum. (Thus the tendency to facipulate those life-saving workshops in places like Bali, Istanbul, or Rome: amazing coffee breaks and team dinners.)]
For those intrepid EAWs who make it out of the well-lit conference rooms in the humanitarian capitals, a few survival tips:
1. If you’re hungry enough, you’ll eat anything.
2. Assuming that you’re eating by choice as opposed to necessity, the key is to consume as little as possible while being as polite as possible. The same rules apply as when you were eight – eat slowly, take small bites, and keep moving the food around your plate.
3. Cheap gin or whiskey is an excellent way to cut the taste, and also erase all memories of the experience.
4. If neither cheap gin nor whiskey is available, a Coke chaser will do in a pinch. Pepsi, Sprite, or other soft drinks also work, but they are never as readily accessible as Coke, whose billboards you will see in every country you’ll ever visit.
5. Hot sauce – added liberally – makes almost anything more palatable. Or at least obscures any unpleasant (albeit authentic) tastes and flavors.
6. You will get sick drinking local water. You will never get sick drinking bottled water, soda or beer. That said, it’s up to you to judge the short-term benefits and long term costs of a subsisting on soda and beer. (That expat fifteen-pound gain being, on the whole, quite similar to the fifteen pounds you gained your first term in university.)
7. Biscuits in their original package might taste like a mixture of chemicals and sawdust, but they’ll never make you sick.
8. Only eat fish if there’s actually an ocean, sea, river or lake somewhere nearby.
9. Amateurs, after a few bites, plead a stomachache or other digestive distress. Seasoned EAWs smile bravely and plead a pre-existing stomachache before taking a few bites, thereby excusing the need to eat more while also gaining valuable martyr-points. All in all, this leaves the door open for a win-win situation.
10. Of course, as we all know, eat with your right hand. Do not, under any circumstances, eat with the left. The left is for other things. Bathroom things.
* * *
This guest post comes from @MichaelKleinman and is part of his recent book, co-authored with Liz Good, Expat Etiquette: How To Look Good In Bad Places.
#217 Blogging for the agency website
Submitted by wpb, an EAW communications professional
The Expat Aid Worker loves to blog, and not just on his or her personal blog (yes, that is a popular pastime as well, but it requires regular updates, and can run the real risk that only mum will bother to read it).
Writing blog posts, also known as “field diaries,” for the agency website is a far more visible way to translate the plight of those suffering from war, disease, famine, or whatever, for audiences back home. If the EAW is lucky, it might be placed somewhere like the Huffington Post or The Guardian, giving him loads of credibility, and allowing him to modestly link to it on Facebook.
It’s true that many EAWs will allow the communications officer to write the piece, just checking the technical details before signing their name to a piece that ends with something insipid like: “…and as long as we can continue to deliver life-saving immunizations/ shelter/ food to children like Fatima, they will survive – and thrive.”
For others, however, this is an opportunity to embrace the dramatic writing skill that the assistant professor in the university creative writing elective was so unappreciative of. Because now the skill is resurfacing. And with a vengeance, because what requires more drama than starving babies, land mine victims and the EAW’s deep emotional connection to people caught in this or that heartbreaking situation?
As every EAW knows, the best thing about the field diary/blog post is that it’s a way to make the disaster about YOU. EAWs like to write about being invited into mud huts to drink tea. On one hand an EAW can show how these people are just like us. On the other, she can show how trusted and accepted she is in this wildly foreign land. And, having had a simple, humbling, human interaction, she can then exploit it on social media.
It’s important to keep it relevant and exciting though. Writing a straight piece on a widowed mother of six in a refugee camp is too hard for people to relate to. And even the savviest EAW among us really has to know how to ask a leading question to prize any drama out of some people (they really do not get it at all). Even if an EAW asks something as direct as “tell me, what have you lost in this disaster?” the selected widow might say something like “things are better now that there are regular food rations and shelter, and the children are happier here.” And what can an EAW do with that?!
So rather than bother with potentially insensitive or intrusive questions, it’s better for the aid worker to be respectful and just see things for himself. He can identify “the pain behind the smile, as she struggles to carry on.” An aid worker knows how common sexual assault is in the conflict, even though no one will speak about it, and this allows him to see “the silent scream in her eyes.” An aid worker can read a lot in people’s eyes, actually.
The best thing about the whole situation is that the refugee mother (or reformed child soldier, or famine stricken family) is highly unlikely to read the article and question the EAW’s flair for the dramatic. And so the selected widow’s children’s few months of missed school can become years, the blood she saw on the street was probably a body (or many bodies – that’s probably what the unreliable local interpreter meant to say anyway), and her relationship to a victim of the conflict becomes a little closer – going from “someone I heard about” to “husband.” (One can always blame the interpreter.)
A last note is that it’s important for the EAW to remember that information is only one aspect of a good blog post. When writing it up, style is everything. The EAW should insert periodic pauses for dramatic effect.
Then start a new paragraph.
A paragraph that might go a little like this:
His eyes swollen with tears, he glares up at me. Muhammed is only eight, yet the cruel ravages of war have exerted their merciless toll. His mother and sister forced into hard labour akin to slavery, leaving Muhammed scavenging through piles of trash in the forgotten refugee camp.
And his kitten smelt like camel piss.
Add a photo of a) extremely sad impoverished children with large eyes and a mother with a covered head or b) extremely impoverished children who still smile and play, (Don’t forget to get the photo credits assigned) and voila.
Later the EAW can read her published blog post, content in the knowledge she has “shed light on the truth,” “raised the profile” of her organization, and “given a voice to the vulnerable.”
#216 Being heard (and a public service announcement)
It may not be obvious to the casual observer of today’s Expat Aid Workers, but despite all the cynicism, overt attempts to demonstrate how out of touch with popular culture they are, and silverbacks who wantonly and shamelessly destroy the idealism of the newbs, at the end of the day, many battered EAWs simply want to be heard.
Let’s get something straight: No one can understand us. We’re much too enigmatic for that. No one but us will ever truly get what we’ve been through, or the sacrifices we’ve made to be here (“here” = at the house party, driver waiting outside…)
But then, after years of trying in many and various ways to “be one with the people”, it’s hard to know who we even are in the first place. And doesn’t it make sense, in the context of a global, 10s-of-billions-of-USD per year industry, allegedly tasked with making the world better, that maybe we should figure that out? Actors, singers, and college dropouts alike all think they can do our jobs better than us. They think they can show up in “the field” with some high-tech camping gear and be us. But then, who are we, exactly? Half the time we don’t even recognize (or pretend to not recognize) each other. Who are these Expat Aid Workers of whom everyone speaks? And when was the last time someone actually asked you?
Your years of waiting are finally over.
Public Service Announcement: Co-founder/blogger of Stuff Expat Aid Workers like, J., has teamed up with some super smart academic dude from Elon University, to actually study us, in order to answer this vexing question. Who are we? This is a serious academic research project, and a serious opportunity for you—all of you, expat, local, anyone and everyone in the aid industry (we’ll include dropouts, too) to be included.
It begins with a census-style survey, here. (yes, we know, you’re very busy. It takes about half an hour to complete, depending on how long you agonize over the open-ended questions. Just do it. Brag about it, or bring the righteous indignation, on Facebook later).
There’s also a blog hosted by Elon University, where J. and the academic dude will post regular updates, give you all the chance to participate in mini-polls, give long-winded feedback, and more.
Click through the survey. Check out the blog. This is your chance to be heard!
ToonsEAWL: Not really giving a damn about the NSA
#215 Being Hipsters
#214 Writing their own job descriptions
Submitted by JDW
Photo: http://www.college.ucla.edu
You are not a true EAW until you have written your own job description at least once. In the real world, this is generally unheard of, but in the land of EAWs this is a well-established norm. The only place where someone advises you to write your own job description in developed countries is in visualization games in self-help books.
EAW offices are very busy places. People are knuckling down fighting poverty and building resilience and capacity. This can mean there is a terrible strain on staff to get mundane tasks completed… such as actually developing a well-thought-out job description.
There are a number of scenarios where you get to write your own job description. You might be an intern or volunteer and have proven yourself in some way. It could be that you slept with someone, sucked up a lot or astonishingly actually did a good job. Anyhow, you are put to work at developing some terms of reference for yourself and someone looks under couches to scrape the money together to pay you more than a top national civil servant in the country you now find yourself in.
You may be a consultant or freelancer and you know an office has some money that they need to spend. So, yes, they come up with something for you to do. It is important to approach organisations at the end of their fiscal year. You can prepare the job description before the meeting. What you actually do may not even be needed, but it will keep you in a faraway land on your tourist visa and get you paid– and that’s what really counts.
On occasion you may get the big paid job with the allowances and the over-inflated prestige with the dark side of the UN or with an actual donor. Normally this process will take as long as the gestation period of a blue whale, so by the time you actually get the letter offering you the job, the original position is no longer relevant. First day, first task …… “update” the job description.
Since there is so much capacity to be built and gender to be mainstreamed, the EAW manager is generally too busy to have any concept of the actual role or name of anybody in the human resources section. They must always feign shock that such a simple administrative task (i.e., hiring someone) should take so long, roll their eyes at the administrative deficiencies of the organization and beg to push this new job description through immediately.
Of course, many EAWs believe that because local staff are often the ones responsible for admin, it can’t help but be inefficient – the poor dears don’t understand the urgency in hiring this new person. Let’s not consider that local staff know full well that 47 of their colleagues have been bypassed for pay increases for the last four years and rushing that job description stinks more than an EAW riddled with giardia.
Of course, if the job description ever hits the internet, it is imperative to: give it the absolute minimum amount of allowed time to be displayed on a website that no one checks; have a start date that is ridiculous and could only be fulfilled by someone who already sits at the desk; have qualification requirements that exactly match that of the person who wrote it; and, importantly, include a section on upholding the ethical principles of the organization that you are about to work in.
#213 Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit
Soccer moms have Fifty Shades of Grey. Adolescent girls have the Twilight series. The security manager has more than twenty “Dirk Pitt” books.
But what do Expat Aid Workers have?
Sadly, while most other romanticize-able professions have their own associated literary pop-culture associations, humanitarian fiction remains a literary genre as yet not fully fledged. Beyond a few attempts at novels about aid workers, there is just not much out there specifically for EAWs.
That is until now!
“Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit combines the passion and intensity of Jeff Sachs with the wit and charisma of Bill Easterly. I couldn’t put it down.” –Laura Seay, Texas in Africa
It started with Disastrous Passion: A Humanitarian Romance Novel, a Barbancourt-fueled lark that was naturally birthed during the Haiti earthquake response (e-book edition here, print version here) by SEAWL’s very own J. He thought it would just be a one-off, but so many of you loved it, that he decided to write more. And here it is, another humanitarian novel, just for you, Expat Aid Workers:
Will the heart-wrenching plight of an endless supply of refugees stretch Mary-Anne to the breaking point? Or will she rise beyond the challenges? And what will become of Jean-Philippe? Will prolonged separation cause their hearts to grow fonder? Or will she find comfort in the arms of the mysterious, brooding Jonathon Langstrom? Will she take a job at HQ? Or will she continue to answer the humanitarian call from a dusty refugee camp on the border of Somalia?
Through it all, just how close will Mary-Anne come to crossing the lines from missionary to mercenary, and from mystic to misfit?
Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit is a story about humanitarian aid, written by a real aid worker, using the language of humanitarian aid, addressing issues that aid workers face. This is not some satirical romance novel. Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit will make you think. About what you’ve done (if you’re an old hand). Or about what you’re about to do (if you’re just starting out). It’s also available for download as an e-book exclusively from Amazon.com. Buy it here. Now.
Then you can spend the summer blogging about it for the folks back home, and updating Facebook with your favorite scenes and quotes. You can get all righteously indignant about it, or discuss its deeper meanings in authoritative tones at the expat bar. Any way you look at it, Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit is a total EAW win-win.
“Sandblasts away the illusion that humanitarian aid work is a straightforward and consistent act of selflessness… A grimly realistic portrayal.” – Avril Benoit, Médecins Sans Frontières
There will be a print version available eventually, too. Follow the Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit Facebook page for this an other urgent humanitarian fiction updates.
Don’t miss out. Buy Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit now. Blog about it. Tweet about it using the #MMMM hashtag. Leave a review on Amazon.
Special Offer: For a limited time, J. will provide a free .PDF version of Missionary, Mercenary, Mystic, Misfit to any blogger who promises to read it and publish a review. Simply send an email, including a link to your blog, to evilgenius.pub@gmail… with “#MMMM” in the message header.
ToonsEAWL: Emphasizing that there is no panacea
#212 Sexploits
Submitted by an anonymous aid worker in Lusaka
As we know, EAWs love to gossip. They also love sex. But most of all, EAWs love to gossip about each other’s sexploits. Fortunately for those wishing to indulge in their favourite hobby, there is a steady stream of raw material to fuel the gossip mill. Barely a week will pass by without a brand-spanking new sexploit being unearthed and circulated in all its gory detail. Once in possession of a new piece of gossip, the EAW can comfortably discuss it ad nauseum with everyone she or he meets, confident that before the subject becomes tired, a new sexploit will be on the horizon to sate the EAW scene’s omnipresent hunger for scandal.
The grapevine is an important indicator of social standing within the expat world. How quickly you find out the latest juicy titbit is testament to how connected you are to the scene. When recounting your sexploit to others, be sure to accompany the story with details of how quickly you found out. This ensures that your social standing in the hierarchy is given the requisite credit. If someone confides a piece of information to which you were already privy, a head-shake and a sigh of “yes, shocking isn’t it?” is appropriate, before letting the person know exactly how much more connected you are: “I heard it at lunch the next day”. This will ensure that your confider is left in no doubt that you are ahead of him or her on the social ladder and will encourage him or her to buy into your confidence with information at the next available opportunity.
The chain of information is also of high import. You should always endeavour to understand the linking chain of whisperers which led to the gossip reaching your trusted ear. The shorter the chain is to the horse’s mouth the more reliable the information is (note: this is of minor relevance), and the closer you are to the epicentre of the gossip mill. Being “in the know” is a sought-after position of power. Your ability to find out things quickly means that others will want to be part of your trusted inner circle, and their best means of buying into this is by sharing gossip with you in the hopes of reciprocation. Cleverly managed, this can result in you ascending through the hierarchy apace. Climbing up the greasy gossip pole, however, is a finely-balanced exercise. One cannot gain a reputation as a “gossip” as this will diminish some of your access among the more cautious EAWs. Your strategy should be to cultivate an impression of being a very discreet, yet highly plugged-in, person. Think Varys in Game of Thrones.
Trading gossip is the main means of gaining currency in the sexploit market. Higher credit is earned if the dishing onwards is presented as if you are reluctantly divulging to a trusted confidante. Emphasize the exclusivity by saying things like: “you are the first / only person I’ve told”. You may wish to attempt to protect your position as a source of the gossip by swearing others to secrecy first (“I’ll only tell you this if you don’t say you heard it from me”). This is a wise precaution to take to avoid being tarred as a gossip, but of course be mindful that this strategy will only mitigate, not completely vitiate, others becoming aware of your position in the chain. When coming into possession of details of a sexploit which you wish to circulate as widely as possible, tell one person. That will ensure that everyone knows by 2pm the following Friday.
Top tip: create a spider diagram with names and connecting lines to indicate hook-ups. This will help you navigate the perilous world of the sexploit / gossip market. It will also be a handy go-to reference tool in the event of a STI breakout.
ToonsEAWL: Theories of Change
Stuff Expat Aid Workers Like 