#185 Infidelity

Image from http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/

Submitted with love from a reader in East Africa

Come right in, take a seat, and lay on back because it does not matter if you are young or old, male or female, attractive or ugly, Aussie, American or Armenian – infidelity is all the rage in the EAW world!

As we’ve read before, the long-distance relationship has a shelf-life of about 3 months. But, the long-distance EAW marriage, those are the things of which dreams are made! The age-old Vegas adage aptly applies here, “Whatever happens in Moga, stays in Moga,” (hardee-har-har….we EAW are a witty bunch!) unless you’re talking about that little bout of chlamydia that you got from that 1 pound prozzie last week and brought home to the wife on your last R&R. But that’s easily solved, thanks to the ever expanding ex-pat clinic. Just make an appointment and unabashedly inform the nurse that you’re going home to your wife next week and need to be checked for EVERYTHING… no one is the wiser! Here’s a tip for those clinic-goers, clinic nurses are not the most tight-lipped of persons; your entire EAW city is now much wiser when it comes to your extra-curricular activities.

But, hey, we’re only human and we all have needs, so it’s noteworthy to report that the occasional philandering EAW does occasionally feel pangs of guilt, where he will wax poetic into his gin and tonic, bemoaning, “I just love women. Am I wrong to love women?” Who can question such passion for the fairer sex! (Yes, yes… and, I love pizza. Completely understand and respect your decision…)

Yet, there is a dividing factor amongst the philandering EAW community – does one philander with the locals or not? There seems to be a direct correlation between the amount of time a man spends in the EAW world and the likelihood that he’ll go local. It’s almost endearing to meet a 60 year-old sugar daddy man who earnestly introduces you to his 19 year-old local girlfriend. (Double-checked; ‘girlfriend’ is not Kiswahili for ‘under-aged, well-paid sex worker’.) She sits patiently at his table the whole night, drinking her drinks, barely speaking a word, except to whisper something in her ‘boyfriend’s’ ear. (I’m fairly certain she’s asking permission to use the loo.) Ahh…young love!

And, to be fair, let’s not forget the women, married for one year, and adopting the male Vegas attitude; the female EAW is always very keen on promoting all facets of women’s lib. If men can do it, why not the women! Although, some women prefer to take the morality approach, “My husband is a bastard anyway,” thus justifying her numerous sexual liaisons and haphazardly made engagements; engagements which inevitable seem to fade upon the return of the husband, the loss of a contract extension, or the realization that the new guy is likely a bastard too. And, sometimes it just takes the woman time to admit that her EAW boyfriend/fiancé/lover is STILL actually (and legally) married…details, details.

Understanding the unattached EAW opinion on this matter can be difficult. It seems the unattached EAW generally responds to the rampant infidelity with disgust, apathy, or extreme enthusiasm. The degrees of response can usually be measured against the person’s level of self-worth and/or attractiveness. The more attractive the person and less damaged, the more likely the EAW will find the situation repulsive and grotty. And, as for the less attractive and perhaps a bit mental bunch…well, let’s face it, the EAW world is the only place where an ugly girl can get laid more than if she were in the military and where a 55 year-old, balding, alcoholic can still somehow pull 26 year-old ass. Somehow.

Yet, despite the prevalence of infidelity, it’s a taboo topic ’round the ex-pat bar. A question of, “Isn’t he married” or “Her husband was visiting last week, no?” is responded to with a scathing, eye-brow raised look, or perhaps a swift kick under the table. Shhhhh, don’t ruin the married ex-mercenary’s shot at pulling the 23 year-old NGO newcomer, she still might have morals and you’ll ruin his chances!

There’s a conspiracy here, folks, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and you’re ultimately left with the philandering facts of the EAW world.

And, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

N.B. Calm down. I read the “Going Native” article and the outraged responses it received. It’s time EAWs stop being so self-congratulatory. This article is harsh, but nonetheless accurate for certain EAW postings. Let’s stop kidding ourselves – we’re a dirty bunch!

With Love, From East Africa